Tuesday, June 30 2009 at 8:30pm
Having a Rough Go.
I was born thin. I grew up fat. I’m addicted to food. I’m having a terrible time trying to overcome this addiction.
Since 2006, I’ve been on a healthy journey trying to lose all the excess weight I’d built up over the years. I was very successful. I initially lost over 140 pounds. I went from 452 pounds to 312 pounds. I felt amazing and I looked pretty good. I got cocky.
I got proud, I lost sight of my journey. I gained 40 of those pounds back. I maintained a 100 pound loss for 2 years. I’ve had a difficult time breaking back through to continued loss. I’ve had a ton of stress in my life. I’ve not worked out as often as I should, consistently. I’ve eaten healthy but I still overeat and once in a while I eat utter garbage, and have a small binge, and feel awful.
I’ve gained more weight back. I’m now 376 pounds. I feel terrible. I feel like I’ve lost something, let myself down.
I need help. I’m addicted to food, and I’m having a hard time getting to the gym consistently. I’ve got a membership and I go at least 4 times per week, but I really need 6 times and when I do miss a day it’s always a cardio day which doesn’t help me at all.
I have a million excuses, none of them are good.
I just need to fix this. My wife is helping me make a meal plan and get back on schedule with my work outs and sleep and food. She’s really awesome you know.
I know this is something that will be a life long battle, just sometimes I get mad and lazy and depressed and want to give up. What I really need is a kick in the ass.
I need someone to email me everyday and make sure I’ve gone to the gym, and that I’m eating right. And if we work together, I need you to not let me go out to eat, I need to stay away from restaurants and poor food choices completely. I’m giving you permission to tell me I’m fucking up. It’s so hard to hear, but I need to hear it.
Folks have said…
You can do anything you want to. I quit ciggys 5 yrs ago coming up July 7th. Anything you truly want, you’ll do. Feel free to contact me any time Mathias!
I’ll email you if you’ll email me. I’ve had similar difficulties. Not being able to “break through” to that goal is incredibly disappointing, I know (completely).
I never, ever thought I would get through P90X after failing two times. But now, after completing it, I realize that it’s not just a workout program or 90 days or any specific workout plan at all. Health is a constant struggle that you have to work through constantly.
I have been addicted to many things in my short lifetime, and I still struggle with many of them and probably always will. It seems that strength and determination come at varying times, with varying degrees, and sometimes without any reason or explanation.
But even during lapses in better judgement, the important thing is to not give up, regardless of how bad we feel that we’ve failed.
You got my AIM. You got my email. I’ll be checking in on you. You are one of my major inspirations, in all seriousness, and seeing you admit that you have feel off the proverbial wagon, changes that none. If anything, it makes me respect you more.
Keep bringing it, man. You the dude.
Great post. I’ve got a story to tell you, but your blog entry inspired me to work out.
One thing—you’ve got to do cardio. A lot. I try to do it every day.
Oh man - this rings so true for me. I’m in exactly the same boat, although I have a gym membership and *never* go.
I looked into a few online weight loss communities which claimed they’d do the things you’re after (email you every day etc), but none of them worked for me at the time.
Maybe it’s worth looking into again though. Think it was traineo.com I used.
Good luck mate, and from someone who knows what they need to hear - get off your lazy arse! :D
Hey James, thanks for sharing your struggle with all of us internet strangers out there. Just want to share some truth with you. After all, Jesus said that “the truth shall make you free.” God has given us the Bible to set us free from the lies that the devil throws at us. Your deepest need is Jesus… do you know Him? I don’t want to beat you over the head with the Bible, but when you find something in your life that satisfies your soul like nothing else, you share it with people. And God knows your struggles, without you even speaking a word, He knows them all. He knows all that you’ve been through. And He cares for you. This is not a burden that God wants you to carry. In fact, Jesus says, “That apart from me, you can do nothing.” Let God take this burden from you as you surrender your struggle to Him. He’s big enough for any problem, and His grace is sufficient to meet you right where you are.
Wish I could say more, and I hope this encourages you.
Confession: I’m having trouble, too. Things were going really well, but now I’m stalled and feeling unmotivated. If you’re into it. Maybe we can help each other?
I hate when I get unmotivated…about anything. I wish I could identify exactly the things that lead to valleys.
I think sometimes it requires a change in pace to climb out of the rut. Maybe a little R&R…sometimes I think we just run ourselves ragged and forget to rest.
I’ll be checking in with you. Thanks for your honesty.
Oh man, I am right there with you James. I struggle with food every day. I love eating it and I love how it tastes (especially the “bad” things).
That being said, I know this is my weakness and I work on it constantly. After the first month during my second round of P90X I finally got into the habit of eating better. Making it a habit doesn’t get rid of the urges but it helps.
We all have bad days/weeks/months (I’m having a tough month right now). The key is to get back at it with renewed vigor and determination.
I’ve seen you do amazing things with your health over the past couple years. You can and will get past this. I have your AIM and email as you do mine. So do you Anton. I’ll be pencilling in some times to check in with you both.
Any time anyone has any questions I’m just an email away (mike [at] thehealthier [dot] me).
I’m a fortunate man. Thank you.
James, we’ve known each other for a long time, so I’ll be completely forward with you. Stick to your guns and just do it. Not only for yourself, but for your wife and kids. You’re lucky enough to still have them and you should want to be a part of their lives for as long as possible. I know it can be hard to stick to a routine, especially if food as been such a big part of your life, but falling off the wagon is not only a disservice to you, but to those that care about you.
I’ve never really been out of shape, but for the past few years I’ve stuck to my own personal routine and reaped the rewards. I feel great and less stressed. I have more energy now than when I was a teenager, which is saying a lot, and I love how I look. But, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I HATE going to the gym. I HATE running. I HATE watching my portions. This shit fucking SUCKS!
Seriously, think about it. Who likes running for 30 minutes in one place, pushing plates for an hour and then running for another 30? I do this every day without fail. It’s terrible and exhausting and when I go home all I want is to sloth on the couch and bury my face in junk food. I can’t do these things anywhere nearly as often as I like because it would negate all the benefits I’d gain from my routine.
Sometimes, I have to drag myself to the gym. I have to force myself to ask for smaller portions. I have to discipline myself to say ‘No’ after one piece.
I guess you could say I HATE the process but LOVE the results.
When I first started, all I would think about was the PROCESS and how hard or inconvenient it was, but then I realized all the good that came out of it. The RESULTS are what should drive you through your routine. You’ve already lost so much weight, bro, so just think about that. Let that be the driver to your success. Its benefits won’t just stop with your health. Imagine all the good that comes out of leading a longer, healthier life.
I know it’s hard, I know it sucks and it’s so much easier to just fall off the wagon, but don’t. Seriously, do what I do, fucking FORCE yourself to do it. It’s a long road, duder, but it gets easier to travel the farther you go.
You got my email and contact information You never need an excuse to shoot me a message.
Have you ever looked in to HCG for weightloss? It’s been around since the 1950s - they used to give it to boys in italy who wanted to get rid of their man boobs.Its extremely strict but highly effective…..Just a thought.
Hi James,
I used to be a personal trainer and now I am a web designer (trying). I also have a B.A. in Psychology. So, taking all that into consideration… I think you just need to find a new thing to do to substitute eating when you’re in a bad mood. I like to hit the gym but I recognize that may not apply to everyone. But the point is, you go to food for comfort so perhaps if you find something else you can go to that’s more productive you can eventually wean yourself off that bad habit. This will take some effort but keep your eyes on the ball.
In the meantime you should set small goals for yourself as far as losing weight is concerned. So instead of focusing on “I need to lose 100lbs” and getting disappointed when you don’t you should set a goal to lose 5lbs in 2-3 weeks and celebrate with a cheat meal when you accomplish that goal. But a cheat MEAL not a cheat DAY. Goals are more attainable when they’re small :)
Good luck!
Hi Anna,
Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. Couple things I’ve learned since writing this post.
I don’t eat for comfort as much as out of OCD, which I’ve been able to control since the writing of this post 25 days ago. My wife has helped a great deal in this area.
Losing weight is hard, but a lot easier when you let it happen. I’ve lost 26 pounds since I wrote this post.
If you’d like to follow my continued journey I’m twittering about it daily here; http://twitter.com/leihufit/
Hi James,
My wife and her partner have started a business that helps people eat better (not just lose weight).
They blog about nutrition once in a while, you might find it interesting: http://originnutrition.com
This is the first time I have read this blog post. I am BAWLING right now, brother. It is such a goddamned struggle, isn’t it. I, too struggle constantly. Constantly. I am fighting out of a down right now. I lost 35 lbs and then, out fear, boredom, or maybe self loathing, I put back on 10 in just 3 short months. I rally back and forth between this great fight, this great will power and falling, falling, failing.
We have learned how to be alcoholics, yet our drink of choice isn’t liquor. It is food. And unfortunately, we cannot abstain completely. I too am an addict. One “sip” turns in to weeks, even months of binging. I hate that about myself. I hate that I will always have to struggle with this. So much I wish to just be a normal person, with a normal appetite, with the ability to say no, I am not hungry.
I am so glad to read, in the comments that you are back on track. You are my inspiration and I couldn’t be prouder of you. But it makes it even more inspiring to know that you too struggle and pick yourself back up. That, I have found, is the hardest thing to do. I appreciate so much your public honesty and your will to fight.
I need my will back, too.
I love you, James. Everyday I am proud of you.
I suggest that you supplement your gym training with an active sport. I’ve practiced judo and jiu jitsu for several years. Not only are these sports very energy intensive, they’re also a great way to meet good people, keep yourself focused and motivated, and potentially useful should you find yourself in a sticky situation. You’ll also feel much more confident. Give it a try, but stick with it for six months. It takes a while to understand the moves, gain balance and learn how to attack. I read your note to your dad and perhaps you’re not interested in learning to fight. But there’s a big difference between an angry brawl and focused training. Good luck brother!
Thanks for the advice Steve, I appreciate it.
I’ve lost 89 pounds since writing this post, 165 overall and I feel great, I got back on track and I’m doing well.
Thanks again!
Wow. That’s amazing. Great job, James. Is that even healthy? :P
Jiujitsu is a blast. It’s a very practical martial art, and I like the fact that it’s not over until the opponent says it’s over.
Congrats, James. Keep it up. I’ve put on a few pounds with the holidays. This blog has been inspiring for me, too.
Make that 94 pounds as of this morning.
Erin, it averages out to be around 3.5 pounds per week, which is not bad considering how much I have to lose and how hard I’ve been working out.
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#Chris Harrison on Jun 30 2009
It’s easy to fall off the wagon, but you’ve lost the weight before and you definitely can do it again. I know you can do this.