“Hi, I just wanna get around you there and grab that clif bar, I need a small snack.” I said calmly to the massive hulk in front of the counter, he responded gruffly “If you try to take any food out of here, I will stab you in the face with this enormous knife.” brandishing the silver bladed monstrosity that made Paul Hogan’s knife look fit to spread butter. I took a step back.

“Come on, broseph just let me get at that clif bar, or maybe half an apple, I mean really what’s with you?”

“Again. Sir. Please, step back and discontinue your quest for food or I will be forced to stab you, hard, in the face.” This time it was firmer, and he tilted the blade back and forth so that the glare from the overhead lights temporarily blinded me. I was getting aggravated and hungry—I was goddamn hungry—and who the hell was this guy to tell me I couldn’t have a small snack in my own damn house.

“Look chief, move the hell out of my way and let me get to my food, so I can eat.” I made a move towards him, he simply brought the knife up to eye level and pressed the cold steel flat on my cheek millimeters from my eye, and repeated his mantra “No food for you, step back or I’ll stab your face.” This time I was so close I got some of his spittle on my face, I stepped back wiping his saliva off as I went furiously rethinking my game plan.

I’m terribly hungry and the only thing standing in my way is this beast with that fracking sword. I decide to take action.

I lunge towards the son of a bitch blocking my snack, as I do he brings the knife up as if to stab me directly in the face, quickly I block his counter-attack, grabbing his wrist and swiftly punching his elbow from below hyper-extending it, a loud crack and his face tightens in a grimace as he stumbles towards the floor onto his own weapon which cuts through him like so much butter completely impaling himself. The tip of the knife sticking through the back of his increasingly blood soaked t-shirt, I step forward—around his limp body—adjust my tie and smooth my hair before picking up my clif bar and taking a very satisfying bite.

The above was a dream I had last night, not really sure why I had this opposition for a healthy snack, but I think overall it’s just diet feelings surfacing in the form of a vivid battle in my dream world.

I hope you enjoyed it.