June 19, 2005
Doug’s Dementia Dilemma
imagined by: James Mathias
click above to enlarge.
Roger, Dominic and I were all very concerned about Doug when he left his top rated home improvement show on TLC to do a new show for MTV, called “Painting Poop, with Doug Nelson”.
We were sure that dementia had set in when on the first episode he hunted through the crab grass in a homeowners backyard in search of a stinky load to paint. Once found the offending pile was pointed out on national television by a man whom just two weeks prior had been someone we called friend.
Dominic laughed, he thought the whole thing was an elaborate joke, Roger was less amused, as he knew better. I just sat, jaw gaping, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Here was our once “most successful of the group” buddy, and he was on TV, painting poo, green no less–lime green.
Painting poo, is not as easy as it looks Doug had told us that weekend at the weekly card game, his eyes still boggled, skin pallid and his breathing slow and steady.
We’ve since stopped returning Doug’s calls, and have been dodging him in town. It’s time he sought help. But of course being men we can’t possibly be that help, or the ones to help him find it. That my friend’s would be breaking the unwritten code of men. Good luck Doug!
My first “Alternate Friday” topic “Dementia”. I think this felt good. I may make this rebel thing a regular deal.
Doug’s Dementia Dilemma
- 06.19.05 at 4:37amthrown down:
- James Mathiasimagined by:
- Alternate Fridaystored in:
- 1539 peeps, 20 of whom commentedenjoyed by:
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20 comments
Jun. 19, 2005 (5:09am) [#1]
Anonymous
OK, this IS demented and Doug looks like a possible age to begin signs of dementia. BUT worried about first son, he daily painted poo and wasn’t even two! Is it something genetic? By the way James … I can’t be THAT Anonymous, so please answer my question - you rebel
Jun. 19, 2005 (5:20am) [#2]
James Mathias
Sorry, Anon truth is it’s too hard to type out your handle… not ignoring you on purpose really.
I am not quite sure if painting poop is genetic or not, but let’s be clear, he is not painting with poop, he is actually painting the poop itself. It’s an art form.
Jun. 19, 2005 (7:49am) [#3]
Miss Daze
Lawrdy, lawrdy, now this is truly demented. I think Farrah Fawcett did a Playboy video in which she was romping around nude using this very same “art form”, or maybe she actually used poo.
Yes, I think this should be a regular feature. Will you pick up the gaunlet, James, will you?
Jun. 19, 2005 (7:51am) [#4]
Miss Daze
Oh, btw, why is Doug packing a pistol and not a paintbrush?
Jun. 19, 2005 (8:36am) [#5]
Anonymous - Anon to you James
Good question Miss Daze … perhaps there are varied strains of this ’artform’ which originated from painting with poo under two, to be further developed then extended to individual taste later in life … please enlighten us.
Jun. 19, 2005 (2:03pm) [#6]
James Mathias
I am positive that painting with poo has been an art from since early primates walked the earth.
But as for painting of poo, not sure. I assume it’s a new medium completely invented by Doug.
And yes Miss Daze, I believe I will.
Jun. 19, 2005 (10:08pm) [#7]
stevePoisonPencil
I’ve heard of an artist bottling up his own urine and selling it in a gallery. (who bought it I don’t care to know), but poo painting is new to the scene. Let’s hope he doesn’t start painting poo as it’s being made…
BTW, that new Shavior photo could work as a backup for the ’dementia’ topic. You look rilly demonic !
:-)#
Jun. 19, 2005 (10:58pm) [#8]
Anonymous - Anon to you James
I agree, those contacts suit you more than blue or green.
Miss Daze’s question about Doug packing a pistol and not a paintbrush - does it have something about “make war not art”?
Jun. 19, 2005 (11:06pm) [#9]
James Mathias
Anon, those are not contacts… my true eye color is blue and green-gray.
I used the magic of photoshop to make them red this week.
Steve, thanks, I actually considered just posting that photo, but that would have been cheating. Plus painting poop is such a terrific concept for a show I had to do it.
Now if TLC or HGTV steals my idea, I can back up my court case with this very post.
Those show idea stealing bastards.
Jun. 20, 2005 (3:56am) [#10]
Anonymous - Anon to you James
Woah, just because you can call me Anon, doesn’t mean I want more information James.
Jun. 20, 2005 (4:13am) [#11]
James Mathias
oh? Sorry.
Jun. 20, 2005 (6:00am) [#12]
Anonymous - Anon to you James
GGGGGGRRRRRRR Tremble with terror James (Can’t disrupt your Daddies’ Day) … later
Jun. 20, 2005 (6:16am) [#13]
Miss Daze
I’m glad you’re gonna follow up on this. Like I said, too much for me to tackle, but I can always pitch in now and again if you need some help.
Jun. 20, 2005 (6:22am) [#14]
Miss Daze
Now Anon, sister dear, is that any way to make friends? You must excuse her James, she didn’t have her quota of fresh meat today and Steve has run off with all the salad.
Jun. 20, 2005 (6:26am) [#15]
Anonymous - Anon to you James
We might be mistaken for Trolls Miss daze … at least YOU might …
Jun. 20, 2005 (6:31am) [#16]
Anonymous - Anon to you James
Sorry Miss Daze, that’s NOT related to your nose … James just to update you a little, Miss Daze and I had our butts seperated a long time ago and have BOTH had a very full life. We have only just found each other again, and have a few ISSUES to sort.
James, I am really a nice GIRL, that is why I am staying away from your Daddies Day post
BUT I must insist, no more “Anonymous is a girl?” questions!
Jun. 20, 2005 (6:40am) [#17]
Miss Daze
(Stop scaring this man! Besides, this is not a free for all here. He asks that we stay on topic, and I do believe he means HIS topic not our own.)
(btw, James, I do suspect that she lives under a bridge. shhhhhh)
Anyway, as I was saying, if you need help James, let me know. I see you already have a catagory set up. Alternate Friday is the offical name?
Jun. 20, 2005 (6:49am) [#18]
James Mathias
Yes for now, “Alternate Friday” will be the name, but I may change it down the road a bit, to be more original.
Jun. 20, 2005 (8:02am) [#19]
Anonymous - Anon to you James
Mwahahahahahaha, I WAS STICKING TO THE TOPIC!!!!!!!!
It IS Dementia isn’t it?
Just to prove I am REALLY nice James … see you at the next post
Jun. 20, 2005 (8:06pm) [#20]
stevePoisonPencil
Just take some asprin, James. I think Anonymous is just hazing you since you are her favorite of the week. I think it’ll pass soon.
Alternate Friday is kewl. If you want title ideas, just add a post asking what future participants want to call it. ( how about ’alternate reality friday’ ? It’s a slight variation on your origiinal idea…
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