nsfw notes

Mr. Alan Jax

by james mathias / 2006 / fictional

I’m at this party, I’m not entirely sure how I got here. I think I’ve earned my way in, I think I’m being funny, everyone is laughing with me, my jokes are flying out, I’ve got to think about them and my lips move while I say them, but my wit is quick and they’re coming rapid fire.

Everyone is gathered around drinking and laughing and drinking.

Then he arrives, Mr. Alan Jax—Mr. Asshole if you ask me. He floats in, transitioning smoothly from person to person telling jokes, stealing glances. His lips don’t move, the jokes are just there. People are beginning to notice him and they’re drawn to him, away from me.

What’s this guy doing? Where the frack did he come from? Why is everybody so enamored and impressed by his fancy tricks and turns of phrase? Where did he get that suit? So bright and gaudy, his tie is so big and glossy.

Goddamn him, that dirty son-of-a-bitch.

No one is listening to me anymore, they’re all too busy clambering about Mr. Jax’s fancy movements. They’ll be sorry when this party ends and that bastard leaves with out a word and they’re the ones left to clean up his mess. He is after all, a slob. A dirty, rotten slob!

I think to myself; It’s funny how they all flock to him, as if he was new to this party, when in fact the guy is just dressed in new duds and has changed his name, his old name was harder to pronounce and remember.

Thats what his agent told him. He—the agent—said “Look, js, baby‚Ķ we’ve got to clean up your image, maybe a snappy new name. Something to cover the fact that your an incurable mess under the surface. I know…” He continues “...we can team you up with Xavier Emel and you’ll be able to do all kinds of fancy tricks together, ‘more-than-meets-the-eye’ kind-of shit. Oh yeah!”

Js ate the idea up and his partner too. Xavier had a real clean image, super snappy dresser, the guy has all his ducks in a row. But, when he teamed up with js his reputation started to become tarnished, he wanted out of the relationship. But, js gripped harder and created a bigger mess. Which is why, Xavier is not at this party right now, why he never shows up in the foreground, why he’s content, quietly working in the background. Xavier doesn’t want the bad image that comes with being js’ partner.

And I don’t blame him.

So here I sit—in the corner, a real wallflower—still capable of telling the jokes, in fact, I’m better at telling jokes, just not as fancy about it. I might be slower (that’s negligible), but I always work with my partners, not against them. Mr. Asshole over there can’t even snap his fingers at certain parties. You know the ones, where the host doesn’t allow beer at his party. Me, I don’t need beer, I don’t really need anything aside from a room and some people to play to. But, still they laugh with him, and ignore me. They’ll see… They’ll definitely see.

dismiss

I wrote this is 2006, when I was having a lot of requests for AJAX in websites, which as you can see, I was pretty against doing, in most cases. I felt, and to some degree do still feel that simple is always a better experience.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.

Kurt Vonnegut circa 1961